December 2025 On the Side: Searching for the Light

Photo by Dohyuk You via UnSplash

by Carol Mason Shrader

Driving at night is perhaps my least favorite thing. I constantly want to see beyond what my car’s headlights can illuminate and give myself a tremendous headache trying to see into that darkness.
 
Our family had been living in Phoenix – the veritable Valley of the Sun – for a decade when I found myself driving on a country road in my home state of Mississippi late one night. Darkness enveloped me as I couldn’t even see a house nearby with a porch light piercing the darkness. My headlights made only the smallest dent. I found myself rubbing my eyes as if my vision were the problem – I actually considered it might be at several points in the drive. When finally my destination loomed near, the lights from the town began to brighten the horizon. And with the addition of those lights on the horizon, suddenly I could see, I could rely on the path being illuminated by my headlights. I was not in abject darkness.
 
Yesterday marked the beginning of the Advent season – a time to prepare our hearts for the celebration of the coming of Jesus.
 

“The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world.” John 1:9

 
In my medical marriage, some seasons it has been easy to prepare my heart for Advent – for the coming of the light. Those seasons felt a lot like driving in Phoenix at night. So many city lights on the horizon, coupled with the brightest of street lights on the interstate, makes the darkness barely noticeable.
 
Those seasons were seasons where my family was healthy, my extended family could reach us, and my husband was not on call for the entire holiday.
 
Wade was in medical school when we learned we were expecting triplets the day before Thanksgiving. That advent season was one of awe and delight as we understood anticipation in a way we had never understood it before.
 
The triplets were eighteen months old the first Christmas we opted to drive from Chicago to Mississippi for the holidays. A snowstorm halted our drive home, forcing us off the highway (after six hours of sitting still with three hungry toddlers!) where we secured the last room in a hotel that sent everyone behind us to a Red Cross shelter. We gleaned new meaning for “no room at the inn” that year! But we enjoyed every minute of that season with these littles.
 
The first Christmas after our youngest daughter was born was pure delight. Wade was just done with training that summer, and Cate was born in November. Our triplets were eight and still entranced by everything related to the holiday. Both our mothers flew in and we gathered my people to our table with hearts overflowing with joy.
 
But honestly, those aren’t usually the norm in our medical marriage. More often than not, searching for the light feels more akin to driving the country road in Mississippi straining my eyes for a farmhouse porchlight somewhere in the distance.
 
We had only been married two years when my Daddy died two days after Thanksgiving. I barely remember that Advent season as my grief was so fully engulfing and finding the pin prick of light felt beyond my capabilities.
 
During residency, we often shifted the holiday to several days late to accommodate Wade’s trauma service schedule. The children were young and certainly had no idea Christmas came on December 29. But coupled with sweet memories of those babies during that time, are memories of my exhausted, physically-bankrupt husband doing everything to find a spark of joy and enthusiasm.
 
One year, we were surprised by a scoliosis diagnosis for one of our sons that threatened the entire holiday season. Wade and I both were overwhelmed at the thought of spine surgery. Benjamin was scared. And the other children were trying to navigate all the emotions flying around. My girls and I baked Christmas cookies determined to find the joy of the season. Y’all, we literally bought an alphabet set so we could make our cookies in the shapes of J, and O, and Y so desperate were we to find the light of the season.
 
So today, as we begin the season of searching for the light, of preparing our hearts for Jesus, I don’t know which road you are traveling. Maybe you have a cup overflowing with joy this season and will find the light readily. Or maybe, you haven’t seen your husband in daylight hours for months and your exhaustion from holding down all the things is making the thought of even hanging stockings for your children overwhelming. 
 
I see you. And I need you to know this:
 
In John 1:9, John is heralding the coming of Jesus. And he was doing so with language that fervently encourages us that the coming light – Jesus – would be without condition. Jesus would bring his steadfast light to everyone. 
 
So whatever your circumstances today, whatever your own mindset this holiday season, the Light of the World is shining. You need not strain your eyes for the pinprick of a distant porch light, you need not do any work to immerse you in his light. No. You, my beloveds, can simply rest in the absolute assurance that you are bathed today in the light of Jesus.
 

“In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to their own town to register. So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them. And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.”
Luke 2:1-11 (NIV, emphasis mine)

 
Merry Christmas my beloveds,
Carol
 
Carol Mason Shrader celebrates Advent this season in her home in Delaware with her beloved husband, Wade, a pediatric orthopedic surgeon. It is easy to find joy when her precious children begin to fill her overly-decorated nest for the Christmas season.